Predict a cricket headline for 2014

[Durhamfootman]

Mark Stoneman falls down 1 of the holes in the Headingley wicket.

YCCC employ moles to return the balls that disappear from view when pitched on a good length

[Alviro Patterson]

In protest for not returning to the England squad, Scott Borthwick pledges his alleigance to Argentina

[Slipstream]

No one predicted .. ..

Anderson would get 81 runs and in the same Test Cook would take a wicket and end up with a bowling average of 7.00

[Durhamfootman]

Alistair Cook records the best bowling figures in test history after bored India batsmen gift him a pie chucking 5 fer, down the leg side, to collapse from 863-4 to 870 all out in the second test at Lords.

[Slipstream]

Alistair Cook records the best bowling figures in test history after bored India batsmen gift him a pie chucking 5 fer, down the leg side, to collapse from 863-4 to 870 all out in the second test at Lords.

International teams refuse to play in England after this Test at Lords.

[Aidan11]

England's muddled thinking over selection reaches a new low when Derek Underwood receives an invitation to play in the next test.

"He's still better than what we have now" Whittaker insists.

[Durhamfootman]

Newly returned Derek "Deadly" Underwood, insists on uncovered pitches for any test matches that he plays in

"if it was good enough for @19ferJimmyL, it's good enough for me"

[hopeforthebest]

Peter Moores sacked soon after saying he had given up speaking jargon. Paul Downton said at his interview for the job, it was only the jargon that impressed me.

[Alviro Patterson]

Shane Warne becomes England's spin coach, says he's looking forward to mentoring Gary Ballance.

[Alviro Patterson]

Gary Ballance rips his shirt off and shouts "Come on England" upon scoring the winning runs as England take a series lead against India.

[Alviro Patterson]

After going 1-0 down in the series, Alastair Cook drowns his sorrows and gets steaming drunk. Visits a 80s nightclub en route, sings to The Only Way is Up by Yazz and takes his shirt off shouting "Eng-land". Then Give it Up by KC and The Sunshine Band is played next, chants at the chorus "Nanananananana Ali Ali Cook, Ali Cook, Ali Ali Cook"

Goes on to score a ton in the 3rd test and guides England to victory, eventually winning the series 2-1. Credits Gary Ballance in the process.

[Aidan11]

ECB complain to Sky that they are putting a negative spin on this test match by saying England lost it.

[The Waugh Twins]

Captain Cook all at sea.

[Aidan11]

Captain Cook all at sea.

England fans chip in to send him on an all-expenses trip to Hawaii.

[Alviro Patterson]

England call up Yorkshire born Australian wicketkeeping prodigy Sam Whiteman