Predict a cricket headline for 2014

[andy]

Alistair Cook throws a bottle of water at his critics, and blames Ben Stokes's angry personality

[Arthur Crabtree]

When the water hits his critics, he claims he has proved them wrong.

[hopeforthebest]

After three defeats in SL Cook resigns the captaincy and admitted he'd been wrong to hang on so long.

Other News:

Sri Lanka declare water restrictions as a severe drought suddenly arrives from nowhere and a large group of pigs have been sighted flying over Colombo heading North.

[andy]

Alistair Cook drops himself down the order to number 8... says he will be used as a bowler with his 'off breaks' useful on turning wickets.

[Alviro Patterson]

Alastair Cook blames his poor form on the Barmy Army trumpeter, Billy Cooper, for not playing KC and The Sunshine Band.

[Arthur Crabtree]

Give it Up?

[Alviro Patterson]

KC and The Sunshine Band become the latest critics of Alastair Cook's captaincy, re-releasing their hit song Give it Up in protest, with a slight modification.

Everybody wants you
Everybody wants you out
I'd just like to make England play so fine

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Ali give it up
Give it up
Ali give it up
etc

Everybody sees you
Everybody looks and stares
I'd just like to make England fine all fine

etc

Come on Ali I need your love
Do you know I want it Ali
Come on Ali I want your love
Give it up, some of your love
Come on and play the game of love

[Arthur Crabtree]

That's the way I like it.

[GarlicJam]

I thought that Please Don't (or Do) Go would be the song of choice.

[Aidan11]

I would like to play the Moody Blues Go Now for Alastair.

[rich1uk]

In keeping with his new theme of being the man of steel , alastair cook to do a updated version of steeler's wheel's "stuck in the middle with you" , his version will be called "stuck in front of middle"

[rich1uk]

new dance goes viral for cook's single , it involves six steps ;

1 - keep your feet completely still
2- wave your hands in front of your hips as if trying to waft at a fly
3 - drop your head and shake it a few times
4 - look up and make a T sign with your arms
5 - after a few seconds once again shake your head , a little more vigorously this time
6 - walk slowly off the stage

[Aidan11]

Seep Blatter lists Alastair Cook among his admirers.

[Alviro Patterson]

Alastair Cook receives a vote of confidence by key members of the British government.

Prime Minister David Cameron speaks out in defence "Alastair is doing a tremendous job in difficult circumstances. As I know myself it is difficult to lead the country due to damage caused and left by the predecessors."

Gideon Osborne adds "I believe Alastair Cook's long term plan has prosperity and is currently showing green shoots of recovery".

[Aidan11]

ECB complain that this thread is just having a pop at Alastair Cook.